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Unie

A bout of Loneliness

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I'm trying not to complain about, but lately I've been feeling...lonely...which is odd because I tend to be a loner. oni30 I do have friends. They just aren't here at the same university as I am, except for one. So, out of curiosity, how do you guys handle loneliness?

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internet oni47 I only know a small handful of people at my university, and I never talk to any of my old friends from high school (unless they are actually in my university...or its Mia [stapler])

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Hmmm... I usually need attention xD I feel very lonely when my friends start to forget/ignore me xDD

So whenever I feel lonely, I go to manga, CB (evilflowers chatango), watch movies/animes or I look for things to do... More like to keep myself busy and not keep feeling down =)

 

Whenever you need it, we're all here for you (though a bit far far away) =)

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I'm almost always alone, but oddly, I usually don't feel lonely. xD

 

When I do, I watch Korean dramas and squeal over the male lead or just sleep, like a typical depressed person. XD (LOL I'm such a loser. 99.gif)

 

I guess I try to avoid talking to people because it only makes me feel even more lonely.

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I have friends, but they're not what they seem to be, so I do feel lonely most of the time.

Cos of that, I either read some romance books, TS/PR something, find some EF member to talk to, or just...chill I guess. Watch some anime, read some manga, talk to myself... There are lots of options I guess. You can even hug a pillow and cry your eyes out. It helps at times :)

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I only have a few very close friends ^^ we all went to university opposite sides of the UK as well which was tough, but we emailed and phoned etc. and we're still good friends now after uni :) I never was one for going out and having hundreds of friends- I always preferred cuddling up in bed with a good book xD so I was always a loner too but love it xD hehe If I got lonely Id come online for manga, edit manga, play games e.g. PS2 and xbox360 games and eat xD It's nice to be able to go on CB here and chat to everyone :D

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Using the Internet and coming on here helps it a little I guess, but it doesn't replace the laughter and physical smiles shared with my best friends. And I'm proofreading chapters, reading manga, and watching anime and dramas, but yet the loneliness creeps up...like a little mischievous elf...coming up behind me and then sometimes boxing my ears. oni86

 

You can even hug a pillow and cry your eyes out. It helps at times
:o That seems kind of depressing...oni81 Crying isn't fun at all, but I do have a giant stuff penguin that I cuddle when I get bored or lonely.

 

And I would play video games if I could, except I left my game systems at home, so I wouldn't procrastinate so much. The Internet is bad enough already. >< What to do? What to do! oni75 Maybe I should try e-mailing my friends more or even call them more.

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hmm yeh I know what you mean ^^ maybe call your friends for a chat? Or Skype them- that can always be fun :D

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Hey Unie~

 

It's not that I'm a loner, in actuality, I have quite a few friends (mumbles) although none of them are interested in manga 95.gif; however, since I'm an only child whose birthday's in August (when everyone goes away on holiday), I guess I do end up spending a lot of time alone whether I like it or not. When I feel lonely, I usually just indulge in my interests (i.e: read so much manga that my eyes go blurry). Doing things you like takes your mind of your loneliness and enables you to have fun regardless of whether you're alone or not. Unless your hobby involves other people, in which case you're screwed :D Another thing you can do is talk to other people - there are probably plenty of people in your university who share the same interests as you do and, even if there aren't, there's no harm in socialising with others every once in a while. I'm not trying to be superficial or anything, but society seems to antagonise loners, that's why it's probably beneficial not to be lumped with the title of 'the person who never talks to anybody'. That aside, if all hope is lost, just come on CB and we'll listen to you whine about life~ Well, provided that you're willing to listen to us whine about life as well...

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Unless your hobby involves other people, in which case you're screwed :D

 

oni73 A happy face? But it could be painful. I guess I'm lucky my hobbies don't require someone else. My hobbies are writing, reading, and that kind of stuff. Except for soccer. I need other people for that.

 

Another thing you can do is talk to other people - there are probably plenty of people in your university who share the same interests as you do and, even if there aren't, there's no harm in socialising with others every once in a while. I'm not trying to be superficial or anything, but society seems to antagonise loners, that's why it's probably beneficial not to be lumped with the title of 'the person who never talks to anybody'.

 

I know exactly what you mean. People usually make fun of me or always think I'm depressed because I don't talk a lot.oni68 That makes me depressed.

 

I'm sure it's possible to find other people like me, but they're hard to find because people like me don't band together. Last year was the first time when I finally found someone who had almost the exact same interests as me. It was a amazing :o, but she's studying abroad in Japan. She needs to come back already. Maybe I should draw her a "I miss you" picture to vent my emotions.

 

I actually do attempt to socialize with others, but when I do, it just feels like I'm annoying them. It likes, "Hey, since I want to talk to you about so and so, let's go get a coffee/tea/frozen drink somewhere." But then the person says, "Oh, no. Let's just meet before class." Or I'll go with them if they invite me somewhere, but then they end up talking to everyone else.

 

oni102Maybe people think I'm a creeper because I don't talk enough. I wonder if I give off a creeper attitude...

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I would suggest

a)get a facebook account

b)if you're attending a college or university join a fraternity/sorority(new friends-lots, access to old tests, lots of volunteer work and chances for leadership--->it's a great idea)

c) volunteer (there are TONS of places to do that and you meet a lot of people)

d)if you're attending a college or university take more classes (after you have 12 credit hours worth of classes, your tuition will not increase any more no matter how many more classes you take - so if you're already a student, more classes shouldn't be a problem)

e)get a job (it keeps you busy and increases your productivity in school UNLESS you work too much -so don't do that - also you meet a lot of people at work)

f)try taking up a new hobby like cooking

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I think you're giving me some good advice, except

A) I have a facebook account

B. ) Fraternity and sororities are probably the least liked people on campus and made fun of a good bit for the way they dress (short nike shorts and baggy sorority shirts for girls and polos and khaki pants for guys). Someone actually vandalized one of our fraternity houses on campus. It's not a good idea because they're also known for parties with alcohol and you're required to go to parties. Some groups are really good ones that do a lot of community work and encourage people to do better in life, but I'm not sure which ones do. Besides that, I don't like the idea of rushing...I don't want to be put on display just so I can be chosen based on my looks and personality, things that constantly change throughout life. No, thank you >< Besides that, they cost a lot of money. My sister is in a sorority and sometimes she has troubling paying her dues. I'm actually apart of the Honors College at my school, which is kinda like a fraternity, except really a separate college within the university. We have our own building for classes, our own residential halls, our own teachers, advisers, service projects, clubs, and so on. I'm involved with the college in two different clubs, but they only meet every other week.

C.) I have volunteered, but my volunteer project was canceled because of the rain. So I'll have to find other things to do. I'll keep searching.

D.) I'm taking the max hours allowed, which is 19 hours, and my university does charge for extra hours. I think it's about $100 or less per extra class over the minimum.

E.) I already have a job. That's actually the only place where I find real socialization, too. I work at a front desk in a residence hall and so the Residential assistants come visit me frequently. I know all of them because of that ^_^ That's why RAs are my favorite people on campus. They actually come talk to me.

F) A new hobby would be nice. But I don't know what to pick. Cooking is not an option right now. I live in a dorm with a picky fire alarm. I've already set it off once when I cooked just before of the steam...I don't want to do it again. Maybe I should join the Crochet/Knitting group on campus and learn how to make things.

 

I know I kind of mutilated your advice, but I appreciate you helping. oni55I'll keep it in mind and search through my universities organizations.

Edited by Unie

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In terms of hobbies... maybe it's good to do something which requires a bit of socialisation but not too much? maybe join a book club? :) or a movie club or something like that? everything is so different in England e.g. no societies or what not so I can't relate to that bit too much ^^ but do you have book/movie clubs?

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oni73 A happy face? But it could be painful. I guess I'm lucky my hobbies don't require someone else. My hobbies are writing, reading, and that kind of stuff. Except for soccer. I need other people for that.

 

 

 

I know exactly what you mean. People usually make fun of me or always think I'm depressed because I don't talk a lot.oni68 That makes me depressed.

 

I'm sure it's possible to find other people like me, but they're hard to find because people like me don't band together.

 

I actually do attempt to socialize with others, but when I do, it just feels like I'm annoying them. It likes, "Hey, since I want to talk to you about so and so, let's go get a coffee/tea/frozen drink somewhere." But then the person says, "Oh, no. Let's just meet before class." Or I'll go with them if they invite me somewhere, but then they end up talking to everyone else.

 

 

Lol, sorry about the happy face...I was trying to break down the huge wall of text I'd written.

 

I understand what you mean about 'people not banding together', if you're a hardcore anime and manga fan, it can be a little bit awkward talking to others since most people have no idea what anime and manga is, not to mention the ones that do know about it consider it to be pretty nerdy. However, rather than getting hung up over this, you should merely look for other interests that other people are more likely to share with you. For example: music. Seriously, the main reason behind my friendship with half the people I know is because we have the same music tastes. By having the same music tastes, you can go to concerts together, exchange songs, set up a band (if you're really obsessive like I was a couple of years ago), bitch about singers and music videos etc. Also, you said you're into soccer - join a team or something, if you're good at the sport, you'll naturally gain respect and support from others. To be honest, even if you're crap at the sport, you can at least joke about it with other people.

 

I get what you mean about the whole 'it's awkward when I talk to others' thing, there's nothing I can really say about that except just talk to others anyway, people might ignore you at first since they're used to you being really quiet, but if you make the effort to keep talking to people, they'll probably start to open up to you more. Well, as long as you don't start stalking them or constantly bothering them etc...It's better to talk to a variety of different people rather than just one person, that way you're not limiting yourself to one group.

 

God I talk so much, sorry for my crappy advice...I have an agony aunt fetish. 95.gif

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The only way I can think of to make new friends is kind of branching off from your own friends. xD I personally find it easier to talk to people who are friends with my friends and go from there.

 

I can't really give any more advice on socializing since I'm pretty sure I have social phobia. >_>"

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You guys are giving me good ideas. ^_^ I looked for the club page for my university, but couldn't find it. >< Maybe I do need to just force myself to speak up more even though I don't like, too. I'll work something out. Thank you guys.

 

And I do have a boyfriend, but he's in a city three and a half hours away. oni68 Maybe that's that the problem. Maybe I need more man cuddles...I should write stories about hugs from men. oni11

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You know, like Lat said, skype really does help, A LOT :) Ask your friends to come on, and even if you guys are not online at the same time, you can leave each other offline msgs ^^ Write huge, huge essays to each other and everyone can reply whenever they have time ^^ You can even stay in touch with your family more that way. Any time any one comes on, have a quick talk with them ^^

 

Oh, and if you're not comfortable with the people in your class, what about the RAs? ^^ Try to get to know more people through other people. Like if you're going with somebody, then try to get to know the other people who're there. A lot of my friends are people I met through other people :)

 

Also, if you're get depressed when you're at home, try going out for a quick walk, even if it's just around the block :) That always helps for me. Keeping busy also works :)

 

And about soccer and writing, maybe there's a team at the community centre? Or why don't you try out for the college newspaper? Either way, you'll get to know more people ^^

 

I hope this helped :)

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Thank you ^_^ I'll use some of the suggestions you gave. I'll start bugging my friends to use skype more. Hopefully, they'll listen.

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