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MyDyingSanity

I don't know where I'm going. TT^TT

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No, no. I didn't run away, no one kidnapped me or anything. Haha.

I just don't know where I'm going with my life, you know.53.gif

Ok, let me go into more details. 97.gif

 

I'm currently taking up Civil Engineering..but the truth is, I don't see myself as an engineer at all. But..if I do decide to take a different major, I really don't know what to take up. I'm not really particularly good at anything. I can do something, provided I give a lot of effort in it, but..I don't have a natural skill for anything.

In short, this is really actually my dilemma: if I decide to stop taking engineering, what would suit me?

 

Preparing for trip down memory lane~

 

When I was a kid, I really loved arts. So much. I took art lessons for like 3 or 4 years. The projects I made at our arts class was always out up on display. I suck at everything else besides English and Arts. When I reached my last year of elementary school, I found out that I was actually good in math if the teacher didn't bore me. I wanted to go to a "Highschool for the Arts" then so that I can study arts intently as early as highschool, but my parents refused even after our principal recommended me. It was a public school but was very far away (I think it's actually on a mountain). I guess my patents didn't think arts will keep me alive in the future anyway.

In highschool, I excelled more in math, english, and sciences. I also found out I loved our electronics subject (it involved making your own siren from scratch and I was the second in class to make mine work.). I also joined the school publication and was able to hone my writing skills. The school sometimes chose me to represent them in some of the competitions outside the school, but I always lost. I won writing competitions within the school, but I left like I won because I didn't really have any serious competition. I forgot about the arts. I had a habit on doodling on my hands and my notebook, but aside from that, I never did anything related to arts anymore.

When I was trying to figure out what I wanted to take in college, my parents told me not to take up journalism, because they said I didn't need to study it to become an actual writer and that I might have a hard time looking for a job. So in my first university of choice, I wrote down Architecture and Computer Science. On the second, I wrote Psychology (because how the human mind really intrigues me, even now. But it had a high quota only the 15% of the people who passed the test could get in. As expected, I didn't pass the 15% mark.) and Business Administration (The university was a business school and I didn't know what else to put. I didn't want to take this, but I wasn't expecting to pass since they said it was a hard school to get in on. And yes, the test was super hard compared to the first 2 universities I applied for.) On the last school I applied for, I wrote Architecture, Journalism, Fine Arts, and some other course I forgot, but is related to science.

 

In the end, I took the Architecture in my first school of choice. And I REALLY loved the thought of becoming an Architect. I loved the course. I loved drawing. I loved thinking of designs, looking at houses we passed by. I really wanted to become an architect. It didn't matter that I couldn't get along with my classmates, as long as I was studying Architecture.

But there was just one major problem: I wasn't qualified.

There was this rule: you can't have an average lower than 2.25 (equivalent to 84% - 86% or B on the US grading system) and you can't fail even one subject.

I failed one of my drawing subject because couldn't keep up with deadlines. I lived far from my school, so a lot of time was wasted on travelling. Even if I stopped sleeping, I couldn't finish it on time. I kept repeating what I do because I kept getting new ideas, I kept wanting to change my design. And I ended up not finishing them.

My grades were good despite that single failure though, so I just transferred to a different department on the same university and they accepted me. That's how I ended up on Civil Engineering. My parents choice it for me. They didn't want me to take Architecture anymore because I might end up being a zombie. ("It pains us to see you stay up all night doing those plates. Maybe Architecture's not really for you." is what they said.) I didn't think I want to take it again anyway. They say it's closely related to Architecture..but it's not.

I'm happy because I get along with the people here but..you know..I can't tell if this is what I really want. I get by because I have friends who are fun to be with, and because I try my best to push these thoughts away. But..when times like these come, when I just can't stop feeling unhappy with where I am now, I just really wonder if I should really be here. I don't picture myself watching over people pour cement, or test the strength of the concrete mixture. It looks so technical to me. I can't picture myself loving it.

 

So..sorry if this is so long. I appreciate it if you read all of it. I never really talked to my friends about it in such detail, so it's really comforting somehow.. Um, so. Yeah, any of you have some advice for me? Thanks in advance! :)

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I don't really know how the grading system in other countries work, nor am I familiar with requirements and such, but I believe you should continue trying it.

You can try designing stuff and compiling it in a folder or something, then one day, maybe someone will appreciate your designs and you may get a job as an architect.

It may be just a dream now, but who knows. You might just be able to have a wish come true. Never give up!

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*ahem* Sorry for the bad english... But friend's worries are my worries oni29

So, MDS-chan, how long has it been since you're taking up Civil Engineering ? Has it been long but you still don't feel like you're doing what you want ?

Let me tell you something. You need to do what you like. Despite of killing yourself to study, despite of everything your parents say (about not wanting you to suffer blablabla), despite the friends and all that...

When we take up something, we must have that feeling inside of picturing our future... Like, cellas-chan for exemple, is studying to be a teacher... and I love the feeling of how I'll look in the future, entering the classes, being loved/hated by my students... Even though everyone in my family and some of my friends said: "You'll die of hunger, you wont be able to get money, you'll be forever poor, you're doing that just so you wont need to study much..." But I really want to be a teacher one day (and other things related to my studies).

So, what I tell you is that no one will ever know what you love to do besides yourself.

Even if you look like a zombie or get stressed and cry for a whole week cause you weren't approved (like me) xD You have to keep moving foward to your goal, to the future you want for you. It's your life and no one else's...

I see you're good and like many things, but I'm sure you'll find THE course you really love. Don't let the fails get you down. Keep going, keep studying and don't ever hesitate about what you want (if you made up your mind to something) =)

The hardworking fighters always get their victory in the end. I know, this is not a fairy tale but, even though life is difficult sometimes, we always get to the winners point when we try hard!

So, hang in there, think about what you want and set the goal ready to go oni55 It's never too late to go back to what we really want =)

Sorry, I didn't really say anything definite, but the choice is only yours to make >_< (I hope I could be of help at least for a bit)

Edited by Cellas002

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Saniiiiii~

I think that if you don't like a course, you should get out of it and go back to what you like to do, which is Architecture. Sure, you might end up being a zombie and all, but staying up all night doing something you love is much better than taking a course on something which doesn't interest you. If you want to become an Architect, then do so! Right now you're hovering between Civil Engineering and Architecture, but if you have the slightest bit of doubt in your mind about whether Civil Engineering makes you happy, then stop and think about it. What have you always loved? Does Civil Engineering let you do that? If not, then why are you still there? I think that you should do something you really want to do. ^^

 

For example, I right now want to be an artist or mangaka when I grow up. Yes, a mangaka, and no, it's not one of those dreams that a lot of manga-readers have but will never follow. I've researched things about their salaries, their lifestyle, how to get published, and everything in that field, but my parents are always telling me that I'll never make any money just drawing all day long and I'll end up living on the streets or something. They want me to be a lawyer, or doctor, so I can get lots of money and live in a good house. But it's not something I can ever see myself doing, so no matter what I'm going to pursue what I want to do, because even though I might end up barely getting by each month, I'd be doing what I loved.

 

Basically, just go with what you really, really want to do. If it's Architecture, then get out of Civil Engineering and follow that path. I know that you have to get a certain grade average to go there, but if that's a job you can truly imagine yourself doing, then work hard to bring your grades up and go. ^^

 

/long post is long ; w ;

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Hi! :D

 

I see you've put a lot of thoughts into this! And no wonder. There are so many choices, so many ways you can go. But from what I've read in your post... you keep coming back to the Arts in the end, isn't it? From the first part of your post to the last part of your post, it all revolves around the arts in some ways. Doesn't that tell you something?

 

I believe that deep in your heart, you already have a decision. Your mind, your family, your friends, even us, may be all telling you different things and pulling you this way and that, but in your heart, I think that you already have a decision somewhere. It's just waiting for you to acknowledge it. (:

 

-Pre

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Ah sorry for the late response. Hehe.

Thanks for all your advice and concern. I guess one reason I haven't gone back to persuing anything art-related is because I don't feel good enough. I mean, my skills for drawing suck. When I was still in architecture, I always felt insecure because everyone else's work looked so much better and creative. And..well, I'm kinda scared to go back to that sleep-deprived life. (XD) and I don't know what to tell my parents either. They'll think I'm wasting money from all these changing courses. I might end up graduating when all my hair has turned gray. XD

 

 

OH. And happy new year, everyone. :) thank you for being a part of my life, and I hope you'll stay in my life for this year as well. :)

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hello saniii :)

 

i read your post (somehow long, but still fine! XD) and i think i can somehow relate XD

uhh, about your university... somehow, i feel like we're going to the same school/branch schools, (or if not, maybe my school is actually a mirror of yours??LOL) oni48

'coz i think almost everything you said there applies to this school i'm talking about, too :D

 

but anyways, how's it going for you now?? :)

do great~!XD

i'm thinking of shifting courses/schools, too. some travel reasons for me oni60

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you could go and learn some other type of art, like manga oni43 or you could give psychology a try. i mean you can learn it just for fun and see what comes out oni36 ...if you really like computers, then try programming. it wont be easy, but as a game maker you could use archidecture and art. if you like history, you can always try that. as for science i really cant come up with anything oni106 . but i still wish you good luck on finding your path oni15

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