MyDyingSanity

Oh. My. I think I've fallen in love with Ayne. Girl in uniform~ kawaii~~ Hahaha. Kidding~

Ah sorry for the late response. Hehe. Thanks for all your advice and concern. I guess one reason I haven't gone back to persuing anything art-related is because I don't feel good enough. I mean, my skills for drawing suck. When I was still in architecture, I always felt insecure because everyone else's work looked so much better and creative. And..well, I'm kinda scared to go back to that sleep-deprived life. (XD) and I don't know what to tell my parents either. They'll think I'm wasting money from all these changing courses. I might end up graduating when all my hair has turned gray. XD OH. And happy new year, everyone. thank you for being a part of my life, and I hope you'll stay in my life for this year as well.

Welcome to EF. :-) happy new year~

No, no. I didn't run away, no one kidnapped me or anything. Haha. I just don't know where I'm going with my life, you know. Ok, let me go into more details. I'm currently taking up Civil Engineering..but the truth is, I don't see myself as an engineer at all. But..if I do decide to take a different major, I really don't know what to take up. I'm not really particularly good at anything. I can do something, provided I give a lot of effort in it, but..I don't have a natural skill for anything. In short, this is really actually my dilemma: if I decide to stop taking engineering, what would suit me? Preparing for trip down memory lane~ When I was a kid, I really loved arts. So much. I took art lessons for like 3 or 4 years. The projects I made at our arts class was always out up on display. I suck at everything else besides English and Arts. When I reached my last year of elementary school, I found out that I was actually good in math if the teacher didn't bore me. I wanted to go to a "Highschool for the Arts" then so that I can study arts intently as early as highschool, but my parents refused even after our principal recommended me. It was a public school but was very far away (I think it's actually on a mountain). I guess my patents didn't think arts will keep me alive in the future anyway. In highschool, I excelled more in math, english, and sciences. I also found out I loved our electronics subject (it involved making your own siren from scratch and I was the second in class to make mine work.). I also joined the school publication and was able to hone my writing skills. The school sometimes chose me to represent them in some of the competitions outside the school, but I always lost. I won writing competitions within the school, but I left like I won because I didn't really have any serious competition. I forgot about the arts. I had a habit on doodling on my hands and my notebook, but aside from that, I never did anything related to arts anymore. When I was trying to figure out what I wanted to take in college, my parents told me not to take up journalism, because they said I didn't need to study it to become an actual writer and that I might have a hard time looking for a job. So in my first university of choice, I wrote down Architecture and Computer Science. On the second, I wrote Psychology (because how the human mind really intrigues me, even now. But it had a high quota only the 15% of the people who passed the test could get in. As expected, I didn't pass the 15% mark.) and Business Administration (The university was a business school and I didn't know what else to put. I didn't want to take this, but I wasn't expecting to pass since they said it was a hard school to get in on. And yes, the test was super hard compared to the first 2 universities I applied for.) On the last school I applied for, I wrote Architecture, Journalism, Fine Arts, and some other course I forgot, but is related to science. In the end, I took the Architecture in my first school of choice. And I REALLY loved the thought of becoming an Architect. I loved the course. I loved drawing. I loved thinking of designs, looking at houses we passed by. I really wanted to become an architect. It didn't matter that I couldn't get along with my classmates, as long as I was studying Architecture. But there was just one major problem: I wasn't qualified. There was this rule: you can't have an average lower than 2.25 (equivalent to 84% - 86% or B on the US grading system) and you can't fail even one subject. I failed one of my drawing subject because couldn't keep up with deadlines. I lived far from my school, so a lot of time was wasted on travelling. Even if I stopped sleeping, I couldn't finish it on time. I kept repeating what I do because I kept getting new ideas, I kept wanting to change my design. And I ended up not finishing them. My grades were good despite that single failure though, so I just transferred to a different department on the same university and they accepted me. That's how I ended up on Civil Engineering. My parents choice it for me. They didn't want me to take Architecture anymore because I might end up being a zombie. ("It pains us to see you stay up all night doing those plates. Maybe Architecture's not really for you." is what they said.) I didn't think I want to take it again anyway. They say it's closely related to Architecture..but it's not. I'm happy because I get along with the people here but..you know..I can't tell if this is what I really want. I get by because I have friends who are fun to be with, and because I try my best to push these thoughts away. But..when times like these come, when I just can't stop feeling unhappy with where I am now, I just really wonder if I should really be here. I don't picture myself watching over people pour cement, or test the strength of the concrete mixture. It looks so technical to me. I can't picture myself loving it. So..sorry if this is so long. I appreciate it if you read all of it. I never really talked to my friends about it in such detail, so it's really comforting somehow.. Um, so. Yeah, any of you have some advice for me? Thanks in advance!

But I'm really sorry. o.o

I know I'm ugly, but you don't need to be that mean!!!! I'm kidding! Sorry about that Ani~